shifted;
black&white ; 10:22 PM
today when i finally thought i had mustered up enough courage to break the news regarding my resignation to mrs chua... i let out a squeak instead!
boy, back to the computer to type out a resignation letter!
ahhh, i've started giving tuition already and there's this tutee who's taking her o's this years so i'm helping her with emath and... i taught her the wrong thing! ahh, stupidly, i seem to have forgotten most of my secondary school math stuff!
but luckily there's silly pok around to help me out! thank you poky pok! i love you! (:
and qi's coming back soon!
hurry return so ROXIE can reunite! (((:
anyway, much of new year's eve was spent by the beach fishing at night with mr poky!
that night was simply magical albeit there were zero hungry fishes out in the deep blue sea.
we managed to get the best of three worlds - the beautiful fireworks, the lonely sailors and their flare guns and the beautiful sound of the waves!
okay shhh. don't go telling everyone that the beach is a far better place than the esplanade okay! i still wanna go there to enjoy my peace and quiet with mr poky during such celebrations! (:
heh, and i'm really thankful for Christmas cause I got to meet up with my lovelies - roxie + my my angels and min hui! (((:
black&white ; 4:50 PM
another mundane monday afternoon spent all alone in the office.
it makes one wonder, really, what more productive stuff that one can do besides filing bank statements, meeting stupid auditors demand and sitting by the inactive phone waiting for someone anyone to call so that i can say, "hello Good Afternoon! XXX & Co. Oh, she's not around! She's in court! (an obvious lie. i realised now that whenever someone says "X's in a meeting..." it's a total lie!) Can I take a message please? (:"
so you see, it goes beyond your duty to tell a professional lie for your boss so that she wouldn't look so damn unprofessional in the eyes of her clients! make sense?
oh well, at least one good thing about working here is that i get paid to surf the net and i don't have to waste my printer ink or paper for my resignation letter! heh(:
black&white ; 2:42 PM
it's been two nights three days and i miss you badly..
please come home soon will you?
the jungle's not safe for you...
black&white ; 10:02 AM
Ahh, it's been awhile since I faced this text box.
I wonder who ever still reads my blog.
Anyway, A's ended in a flash(Okay although it happened awhile ago, I feel a must to at least talk about it so that it doesn't seem non-existent in my life)... really, it did. When I was an O-level kid going on to Junior College, it seemed that A's was like a nightmarish monster but now that it's over, it wasn't really that scary.. at least not like how the teachers put it.
Of course, this journey (arduous, or not) was filled with many regrets.. regrets that at one point in my life seemed like the hugest mistakes in life but then again when I look back now, those regrets are actually what made my otherwise boring, mundane, irritating, senseless, directionless, motivationless JC life much, much more colourful!
We all grow up, some way or another.
Working alone now certainly made me think back alot.
Where's yummy to gossip with(same wavelength you see!(:) when the boss starts being unreasonable?
Where's joey with her big, warm, comforting hug whenever I feel so darn depressed?
And where's CXQ whenever I need to seek advice or just need a listening ear to complaiiinnnnnnnnnnnnn?
I guess we all take things for granted, one way or another.
I guess I took their presence throughout my JC life for granted.. you know, like how I could see them everyday in school (well almost... when neither one of us are actually ponning school!). Sigh!
But at least I know that I have 3 wonderful animally friends for life! So thank you darlings for being with me through it all. I simply cannot imagine life without you three beautiful angels! (((:
Okay in case anyone's even wondering, I'm blogging this from work on a really cold, rainy day thus explains the emo-ness!
black&white ; 5:53 PM
it's been a long time now since that day and i didn't even have a chance to say what i'd like to say. it's such a surprise, you know. it had probably slipped my mind.. and i'm really sorry.
it made me think back though.. on those days when we'll all get excited a week before. those seemingly happy memories.. i hope they aren't one sided. cakes, flowers and gifts flooding the room. funny how we never had a party though. it'd be really pretty, wouldn't it? ribbons! laughters! songs blasting on the radio! balloons, confettis and even a magic show! pool games, prizes and you telling me, i know you won! (:
and then i remember the first time we fought, it was really rough wasn't it? all the holding back of tears, pretending it didn't hurt because i didn't want to appear too weak in front of you; didn't want to let you know that you could hurt me.
oh but now how those tears actually fell.. pride shut aside. it's only you and me.
i feel your pain, fortynine.. no wait. fifty. without a doubt. yes, fourtynine just slipped past without a sound.
we're reaching the halfmark now. it had been one hell of a rollercoaster ride, isn't it?
it's definitely a first, for you and me. a first that i didn't or would never foresee.
yet it doesn't feel really queer you know.. it's as though life's just so.
we break the things we painstakingly make;
whose fault is it to blame?
no one i guess..
no one.
black&white ; 10:17 PM
please don't cry
your tears they sting.
happy birthday, i hope you aren't lonely;
a long time it has been.
black&white ; 10:08 PM
it has been awhile since i last blogged so much so that it's as though i've disappeared virtually.
but anyhow! so many things have happened lately!
dined at Giraffe last weekend with sunshineylove(: the food and ambience were superb! thanks love!
and the following day, we visited the Night Safari! apparently, that boy never went there before so we decided to pay those night creatures a visit before he joined the army!
now, do you know owls could only turn their head 270degrees and not 360?
haha i just realised that!
and then i got back my mid year results.. though it was kinda disappointing, i guess i did deserve those grades and that was really one painful lesson learnt. BAH!
but i still wanna thank Daddy for being with me through it all(:
and then.. on Wednesday, someone lost his very precious hair! it was hilariousss! hahahha it was like, finally!
say goodbye to those hours spent infront of the mirror waxing and styling mr vainpot!
anyway, Qi went to Pattaya yesterday! rahh disgusting eight tentacled octy. come back soon alrightyy! i miss you!
and today, another love of mine abandoned me! ):
he finally went to join the army today. rahhh.
i'll be counting down to the next time we meet!
alrighty. gottah make use of my day before going to the airport tonight to pick jie up! she's like finally back after 2 months from Shanghai for the wedding! hehh.
and, correlation's easy! regretted not studying it for mids..
and btw, this's totally random and shoot me if you must but i think Nelly Furtado's really hot!
black&white ; 1:46 PM
these past few days had been painful.
everything felt like a blur, a dream. a horrible nightmare that i'm unable to escape from.
i guess i've met myself in a whole new dimension.
somewhere where i no longer feel like myself.
but then those memories from the past just keeps squeezing in whenever i thought things were better, and like little crazy monster, they got the better of me, making me do things i never thought i was capable of.
mids are here. yep. just like that. in the wink of an eye.
i don't quite know what i'm up to actually.
robin asked me a rather simple question today,
"so, what have you been doing during your june hols?"
and i was stumped for an answer.
and then i got to know someone a tiny weeny bit better. or for the worst.
i don't know what to make of it, or what else to say about it anymore. it's as though a part of me just would like to forget about the whole damn issue, pack my bags and run away. far far away. i couldn't comprehend why it happened, couldn't make sense of how it felt, or what that person actually meant.
it made me doubt everything i once cherished or thought so much importance for. it felt as though my whole world came crashing down, that everything i once truely believed in, turned out to be false. turned out to be nothing.
yupp. so hopefully, things will start to turn uphill from today onwards.
okay, back to P&P!
black&white ; 12:14 AM
i feel like farting in the invigilators faces next week.
i love you.
black&white ; 5:06 PM
i'm learning and i'm trying. doing all my best.
it's going to be tough, i know.
sometimes the things infront of me just seemed so abstract.
and i get so very disappointed at myself, simply just for being who i am.
and for doing what i do.
or for not doing what i'm supposed to do.
and believe me, if i could, i'd want everyone around me to be as happy as balloons.
like cute little round, colourful, floating things without a care in the world.
so i'm really gonna get things right this time.
and even if i couldn't, at least i did try.
black&white ; 9:03 AM
i know i've been missing on school quite a bit but just that, sometimes.. things gets too suffocating and exhausting that makes you just dread putting on a front infront of everyone.
call me an escapist.
or an idealist.
or maybe a dumb ass coward that constantly creates excuses for herself.
or an over-sensitive pig.
i guess though, some of us may feel it a little.. perhaps it's the stress factor taking control over us or something.. i don't know. blaahhh.
cause it hurts.
anyway. thanks robin, ruzaini and qi! promise today will be the last day i'll actually skipppp schhhhhoool. thanks so much for your help and advices(:
anyway, jie left for Shanghai this morning for 3months which is actually why i didn't go to school today. 3 months you know! to some people i guess 3months like a peabrainflyassly tiny amt of time but it's the first time anyone in my family actually left for such a long period of time!
gosh. i can't imagine the house without herrr.. boo.
and you know how her chinese sucks! doesn't make things better ehh.
so yeahh, that's about it.
sigh. anyway, i still don't know whether i shld skip tuition on sat to go for wushu outing or not because last week mrchan said i can't go to sunday's lesson anymore! so i guess i gotta forgo the outing.. RAH!
black&white ; 4:55 PM
aye. i just read some blog entries that left me rolling my eyes so badly that i'm almost too afraid it'll drop out!
gosh. please have some shame, if not, some pride and dignity in yourself.
you two are the worst that can ever get.
go screw yourself! BOO!!!!!!!
gosh i'm really tired now.
my body's aching all over from pe earlier on.
you know you know you know..
TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (((:
black&white ; 12:22 AM
there's something so amazing
of this love that i found
taking me to places
that i thought could never be done
there's something so beautiful
of this grace within me
with your love, crucified
and cleanses me within
oh my sweet lovely King
what could i possibly have done
to make you lay down your life for me
just so to wash away my sins
.
.
.
.
.
.
(: please help me continue this alrighties?
black&white ; 7:20 PM
woahh. it's been ages since i last updated..
blocks were basically alright. but i guess i deserve it.
anyway, would really love to give thanks to Him for i wouldn't have done mediocre without His mercy, grace, blessings and love(:
i've got a really cute doggy btw!
it's been taking up most of my free time now and someone feels really neglected.. haha sorry bunny. you know i still love you.
so say hello to Happy! (:
he's really a pain in the ass sometimes and he had his first training session today! hopefully he'll be ably to curb the pooing and peeing problem..
and last saturday an angel took me kite flying(:
this's my angel(:
and i went Vivo to shop with my 2 bestfriends and my family too!
yupp so that's about it all(:
and here's saying hi to Gabe all the way over in New Zealand.
I really miss you.
COME BACK SOON!!!
black&white ; 1:29 PM
love (:
black&white ; 2:11 PM
i think blocktest' a monster that ate my brains):
i love a drink above the world at Altivo with you.
Hit me with a snowball anytime(:
black&white ; 10:10 PM
when even the brightest seem so dull
black&white ; 4:27 PM
i'm trying my best
doing all that i can
for the sake of you
and my very own.
sometimes i feel that i can't make it somehow
feel that life has lost its direction
feel the stars disappearing each night now
and i crumble deep inside.
but You, You stood by me through it all
You sent an angel from above
to guide me through the darkness
and drew me closer to You.
You are so faithful to me
so much though I don't deserve it all
You didn't fail or forsake me
keeping each promise wholeheartedly.
I don't know what I did
for You to love me this much
but I must really be one lucky girl
to have You in my life.
Thank You for everything.
I love You.
black&white ; 1:03 AM
yes, it's true. it's official.
i've stopped attending school.
ayye, for this week la. ho!
i don't know but i just feel really really stressed up.
i feel that going to school would make things worst; suffocate me.
i need time, all the time i have, to study for this block test. even if i don't pass, at least, i need to finish covering all the chapters.
at least, i'll know where i really stand after putting in my best.
though i haven't been consistent. but at least, i'll know where i stand.
haven't really been pumping in the hours that i'm supposed to, i'm still kinda slack in my revision.
i only managed to finish 2 chapters yesterday, but hopefully there's still time to finish a few more today.
i plan to finish DC, binomial and hopefully P&C today.
and you. thanks for understanding and always being there for me, supporting me for every right and wrong decisions that i made. you really do make me happy, mister(:
and shucks. mrlin just msged me! blahhh.
black&white ; 8:52 AM
i think i suck.
why can't i just let it all go.
just forget about everything that ever happened.
why why why.
please give me time.
black&white ; 12:33 AM
hey honey, wrote this specially for you.
i really understand how you feel and i could really feel your pain.
i'm sorry i didn't know what to say just,
but i hope this little poem would sum it all up.
cheer up alright?
just know that whatever decisions you make, i'll be right here supporting you all the way(:
though perhaps it's kinda tough talking right now like the way it used to be,
but whenever you need me, i'm always a call away.
yupp and.. i do miss you.
i really do.
****
i saw a little girl
down by the river all lonely and silent
and like a ball she was curled
with a head full of pretty flowers.
i went up and asked her what was wrong.
with teary eyes she looked at me and sung a song
"all's nothing and nothing's all
for i've just been through one great fall."
and with bended head
she stood up; nothing said,
and walked on by
till she was beyond the reach of my eye.
i tried calling out to her
as there's many stuff i'd like to say
to let her know that i'll be here
till the very end of day
that though sometimes we may fall in life
but we gottah be strong; we'll survive.
and i'll promise to mend your broken wings
so we'll be flying higher above those greens.
i'll be the rainbow when your skies are grey,
the sparkling light admist the heavy night,
the sunshine after the lonesome rain
and the images when you lose your sight.
so cheer up, my little one
for someone as pretty as the flowers of the sun
should deserve all the smiles the world could offer
and a prince who could really treat you proper.
black&white ; 8:22 PM
i wish you could be here.
there's so many many things i'll like to say, to bitch about, to scream in your face, to tell you about and ask for your advice.
i wish you could be here.
i'm feeling so so terrible tonight.
i wish you could be here.
it doesn't feel the same in school or at home or on those bus rides anymore.
i wish you could be here.
i really do.
please come back soon so i could tell you all those stuff i've been making mental notes about.
sigh. i just wish you'd be around.
i'm missing you.
black&white ; 9:08 PM
I'M GETTING REALLLLLLL DISTRACTED.
BAHH. THANKS TO SESAME STREETS, I'VE GOT A REALLY SHORT ATTENTION SPAN.
I NEED TO GO SHOPPING SOON.
SOON SOON SOON.
HO! AND YOU'RE NOT AROUND TO TELL ME HOW MUCH CLOTHINGS I'VE GOT.
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I WANNA GO OUT AND PLAY, MUMMY. ):
black&white ; 11:31 PM
there's so many stuff i'd like to tell you,
i check my hp constantly still.
i remind myself of those things i'd like to say
when you would return some day.
the time passes slowly
while people walk on by
as though nothing ever happened
and like them, so carefree, i really try.
but something's been tugging at my heart's string
since the day you went away
and each night i pray that in my lonely dreams
that we'll go back to the same old ways.
you know, i'm trying really hard to not be the weaker one
holding back those tears that long to be free
you told me once that you i could trust
to always be there when i count to three.
so here i am on both bended knees
shouting aloud those numbers plea
wondering if you would ever know
that it's you all along i've been missing so.
-
well.. school's into its ninth week now and true enough, it's starting to take its toll on me. i feel like i could break down any min now and i'm real afraid that i wouldn't be strong enough.
there's so many tests coming up, flooding the boxes of my tiny calender.
and there's still many stuff to pray about, many stuff to decide. many uncertainties that i try to shrug away for as long as i can.
and it's giving me tremendous pressure because there'll be people hurt if i ever make the wrong decisions. and it's you i hate to hurt the most.
school's crap.
i have a feeling my efforts will be in vain.
the fighting spirit's slowly dying off.
as i face the matter of time constraint.
and the worst thing is,
you aren't here to perk me up.
black&white ; 9:05 PM
well, someone just left eh.
i really wonder how it'll be like..
anyway, i went for Alvin's 21st today! gosh. To think i knew him when he was 16 still in that pathetic St Pats uniform! hah! and today I was buying him a gorgeous Goldlion shirt!
well, some thoughts have been flooding my mind for a pretty long time now.. and it pains me sometimes just thinking about it. its only like the end of February yet I feel so much stuff changing. Perhaps it's because of the absence of someone, perhaps it's because some people are simply too sweet, or perhaps it's because some people just put certain stuff before certain things eh. or maybe it's because of all the stress building up so things aren't just the same as before. hmmm, i don't know but these feelings are true and it's pretty tough to ignore them. and i wonder how things will be like next year if it's already so difficult right now. are we just being where we are and who we are for the sake of doing so? i used to think that it was something real eh. something really precious. but the more i look at it, the more i think otherwise. í should be paranoid, or stupid enough to doubt it. and i guess i am. but these feelings wouldn't go away unless someone does something. and i know this time it wouldn't be me. it's just tiring organizing stuff, trying to bond and all.
maybe it's time you should show it means something to you too.
black&white ; 1:20 AM
woahh. you know, today i truely learn to appreciate the great wonders of the internet.
hah! it's 9:47am, i'm sitting infront of my computer and i'm still gonna be able to attend the church's service! (:
YEPP! THANKS TO THE LIVE WEBCAST!!
HAHA THANK YOU LORD(:
THANK YOU CITY HARVEST CHURCH(:
yupp. it's gonna start in 12 mins time!
i'll go grab a bite firstt. hehh(:
black&white ; 9:46 AM
husna babe! i'm beginning to like Micheal Buble! (: haha i think i'll go get his CD!
CXQ! I can totally imagine you doing that! HAHAHA!
ass! darling, i miss you! i'm glad you still do come over here(:
ayyee. i'd really like to write about my life right now but there's just too many too little things to write about. ho!
i'm really drained and tired and exhausted. i wish i could take a looonngggg vacation alone and just spend time all by myself taking the world in.
it has been awhile since i last heard the voice inside me.
everything's moving too quickly.
it's scary.
i guess i should really go think about what i want from life before making another decision.
sigh. i miss allll of you guys so SO much.
but still, i guess i'm really happy right now. at least, a lot happier than last year.
and it's no doubt His blessings.
So thank You my Lord above. For without You, perhaps i wouldn't even be able to make it through here. If this' Your plan, please give us the strength and walk us through it all.
Because it's all about You.
black&white ; 11:07 AM
hello there(:
black&white ; 6:38 AM
Annie's Song - John Denver
You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again
Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you
Come love me again
Let me give my life to you
Come let me love you
Come love me again
You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again
black&white ; 11:31 PM
"and they all went home"
black&white ; 11:08 AM
I feel like play Scrabble!!!
Yupp, yesterday Xiuqi and i went to this new cafe in town(figure of speech here) that's tucked away among the little shop houses along the seemingly normal streets of Katong.
It really is fun.
The next time you go there, opt to sit on the 2nd storey.
It's really comfy up there with lots of sofas, dimly-lited ambience, window seats that overlooks the small but bustling streets.
and the best thing is, the place serves ONLY DESSERTS! with maybe a few little fingerfood. and you could play those board games available for hours! although there's only a small array of it..
Ho yeppp. I've a feeling I'll start frequent that place!
and shuckks. I missed going out with the boys last night):
oh well! i hope i'll see them soon!!!
okay and.. HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE OUT THERE!(:
and i think you're the best.
thanks for always believing and never giving up on us..on me.
i know it's kinda of a hard thing to do when so many people who don't matter are saying all those stuff and i wouldn't blame you if you had lost trust.
but you didn't.
and i thank you for that.
and i thank you for all the efforts too.
you might not understand how important this may be, but it really is.
and you wouldn't see this.
not in a million chance.
but you really are the best(:
black&white ; 1:25 PM
Loving This Way - Collin Raye
I'm tired of watching me hurt you
I'm tired of being the teardrops on your face
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I know your every weakness
I can find one in everything you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm not what you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
I don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that's just how it is
Can we go on like this
Oh, baby what do you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'll set your heart free
And if you're mine
You'll come flying back some day
But I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
Well I'm taking you with me
Like a room in my heart
You will have your place
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm not what you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
I don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that's just how it is
Can we go on like this
Oh, baby what do you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
black&white ; 11:29 AM
Hah okay. i'm late for schooool which starts at 7:30!
But since Valentine's Day's just around the corner, here's a little something I wrote for all the beautiful souls who're in love!
Aye, and i'd like to thank you for the inspiration(:
My soul is singing
of a song so sweet
and i hope this time you'll be listening
to my very own heartbeat.
My soul is singing
of a song of strength
and these days i no longer feel weary
for you are always there.
My soul is singing
of a song of beauty
and now i wake up to the birds chirping
to a wonderful brand new day.
My soul is singing
of a song of love
cause loving you is easy
for you are blessed from Above.
black&white ; 8:43 AM
The dreamy sounds of crashing waves,
Against the lonesome rocks and sand.
Two souls were in the distance,
Under the stars, probably more than ten.
The talks they had made her worries fall
As time slipped by so quietly
And she wondered will that be all
For the night it hung so gently
How she felt he do not know,
As he sought an answer from the night sky.
But all he got was a little twinkle,
From a little star with a smile so wry.
As she watched people passing by
Everything just seemed to fall into place
And perhaps the two souls shouldn't even try
For it will be eventually given by His grace.
The journey home might be long,
But it didn't really matter.
For this time she knew that he sings a song
of love, faith, trust and surrender.
black&white ; 6:18 AM